So a few months ago, something serious happened that caused a huge rift in my family. I will not divulge the information so that the people involved will remain scandal free. I will not allude to what happened either, but know that going forward, things will NEVER be the same.
Upon further reflection on the matter of forgiveness, in the current situation, it would be easy for me to have an unforgiving attitude, but that does me no good. The only thing I get out of the situation is high blood pressure and perhaps a hurt jaw from all the clenching, so I choose to let it go.
The Bible does say that if you can’t forgive your brothers and sisters, then how can your father forgive you? Good question…. So what is someone supposed to do when he/she has been hurt?
Praying about it is a good start. Praying for the grace to let go of any hurt as well as praying for the people to see the error of their ways. That’s really the only way to move past it.
Perhaps talking about it would help…. But then what if the person who has faulted you sees that they have done nothing wrong? I don’t know… Cause it’s like talking to a brick wall. The only thing you can do is pray for them and move on. Forgive but never forget.
You know the old saying fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…. Yeah well…. That is where we are now. I can say with an honest heart that I have forgiven the people who have done wrong…. Even if they choose not to see it. I have moved on, but I will not forget what they have done. I will also not go out of my way to have any kind of relationship with said people. I won’t even ask for an apology because to me, it doesn’t matter. The past is the past, but that doesn’t automatically change the dynamics of our relationship. I will forgive, which I have, but I will never forget.
They have chosen to draw a line in the sand to make me choose between my family and them…. And I will ALWAYS choose my family.
Perhaps you have done something for us in the past, and for that I am thankful, but does that mean we owe you something? I would hope not…. When you do something nice for another, you don’t do it so you can be thanked for it later, or use it as some kind of bargaining tool, you do it out of the kindness of your heart. You do it and expect nothing in return. We don’t owe anyone a relationship, no matter who you are. If you want to be a part of our life, you have to accept my whole family. We are a package deal and if one person in my family is deliberately excluded, you have now decided that we are no longer going to have any kind of relationship with you. My kids and my husband are my family and we are a unit, so when you deliberately exlude any of us, you are automatically excluding all of us.
One day maybe the people involved will see what they have done, but then again, maybe not….They have lost 6 people from their lives, and to me, they have lost more than we, as a family, have. We are stronger and more resilient than ever. We love each other fiercely and will always have each other’s backs, no matter what. That’s what a family does. They stick together; they fight for each other; and they love each other. Family will also not allow any part of the unit to be ridiculed, embarrassed, or devalued.
So to those of you reading this blog post, I still love you, and I will pray for you even if you hurt me, but I won’t forget what you did.
To err is human, to forgive divine. – Alexander Pope
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. – Thomas Szasz
One thought on “Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget!”
This is when the wisdom of the Gospel is most helpful.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”